The McCollumn - 12/10

Don't 'single' us out

The Year of Weddings.
That will always be one of the major facets of 2010.
Foggy though my mind may be at times, I shall always remember the year of the plethora of friends’ weddings.
I’ve been an usher, a reader, a groomsman and also an attendee at just the ceremony or just the reception.
I had to miss one. I regret that.
You, dear readers, were subjected to a series of wedding columns, me using my little space here as a bully pulpit.
You are kind to tolerate such things. I’m honestly amazed there weren’t letters.
Overall, the weddings themselves were a positive experience.
However, I would be remiss in not mentioning just one tiny thing to you all, a word of advice from a wedding pro such as myself.
Please don’t ask the single people at the wedding when they are going to get married.
I’m going to state that again for emphasis and drop the niceties: do not ask the single people at the wedding when they are going to get married.
I’m sure your interest in this topic is genuine and of the kindest of intents.
I do not dare question your motives, but your method is flawed.
I’ll answer your question with a smile and a dismissive joke or phrase. I have several to choose from. I’ve had ample time to come up with responses to such a question.
Know, however, that while I was giving one of these canned responses, I was trying to stop from saying what I actually wanted to say: What kind of question is this to ask someone?
It’s the de facto equivalent of saying “Aww. Look at how happy they are together. You’re alone. Why are you alone? Don’t you want to be with someone?”
Unless you’re me, you don’t get to ask those questions.
Not everyone who is single is single because they choose to be.
Some of us repeatedly get the crap kicked out of us in this department, trying in vain to scratch out the same happinesses we see in our married friends’ lives.
Maybe she’s out there. Maybe she’s not.
I don’t know.
What I do know is that being forced to think about all of this while watching the intense joy and happiness in coupledom that goes along with weddings is unkind.
So, if you would, refrain from asking the question you want to ask, even if it’s meant as a laugh or a non sequitur.
You could be doing more harm than good. In fact, I’ll say you are doing harm.
To the single readers out there, I say don’t tolerate this line of questioning any more.
Just get up and walk away.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way on this one. I’ve talked with you and to you, and I know my cause is your cause.
Until we meet that person who will eventually lead to our own happy wedding day, we remain hopeful and vigilant.
I salute you, my single brethren and sistren.
It’s been a hell of a wedding season, and I salute your bravery.
Keep fighting through, dear friends. It gets better.