The McCollumn - 3/25: Have 'the talk' with your kids

As a dedicated people watcher and collector of found dialogue, I often can’t help but listen to and overhear conversations that happen around me in public places.

While having dinner the other night, I overheard a family with two teenage children in an uproar over the Fox television series “Glee.”

“I’m 15,” the daughter said. “Why can’t I watch a show about folks my age?”

“Because,” her mother retorted, “those actors aren’t kids and I don’t want you exposed to all of the sex and homosexuality that’s goes on on that show.”

Both kids let out sighs of exasperation, and I returned to my sandwich.

The mother wasn’t wrong in stating that “Glee” seems to have become hypersexualized this season, with plotlines involving the young glee club members experimenting with one another and having sex.

She was also right in noting that the current season has put a great deal of focus on homosexuality, as one of the main characters, Kurt, deals with both persecution and finding love as a young gay man.

Do these parents have every right to tell their kids not to watch the show? Of course.

But, will this sheltering keep their children from hearing about or learning about these things? No, not at all.

Whatever “evil” influences we want to blame on television and movies, we seem to forget that the behavior of young people is generally molded more by their peers and friends.

I learned more curse words from my fellow students in high school than I ever did watching movies.

I heard more depraved tales of sex and wild lust from high school friends than I ever encountered on late-night cable TV (largely because Homer and Liz wisely chose not to get “those” channels).

Sex education might be abstinence-only here, but I’m not certain it’s a message that’s being listened to or taken to heart.

Whether you like it or not, parents, your children are going to be exposed to things you may not approve of through their classmates.

Kids talk, kids brag and they all learn things about one another that adults would be ashamed to say to one another. Extreme openness about such private behaviors is one of the hallmarks of adolescence.

You can filter your home internet connection, install blocking software and put parental controls on every TV and electronic device in your home, but you won’t be able to stop the dissemination of information coming to your child.

Your only hope to not have them exposed to those “dangers” is to homeschool them and completely remove them from the situation, which could more than likely lead to them being exposed to all of these “negative” influences in college and them going buckwild (I can cite precedent, if you need).

Rather than let your kids hear about these things from peers who know little more about them than they do, you could take some time to have honest, frank conversations with your children about these matters.

It won’t be comfortable or fun for anyone involved, but you, the parent, can provide better insight than your child’s 14-year-old classmate.

I don’t know when in this country we shifted the responsibility of the “sex talk” from the parent to the school, but I feel this probably wasn’t the best move and it’s high time for parents to reclaim that role.

Don’t entrust those duties to some well-meaning social worker, school nurse or volunteer abstinence expert.

You’re their parent, and you need to step up and act like it.

Ban “Glee” if you want to.

Refuse to let them see any movie rated above PG-13.

Refuse to leave them alone with a computer. Lord only knows where they may end up if you don’t.

But, please know that the influences you’re trying to battle will still probably reach your children, and you need to be prepared to talk with them and help them with their questions.

Openness and honest conversation will do more good than bans and parental controls ever will.

Just open up a dialogue and see where it leads.

Your kids have questions, and you have the guidance they need.