The McCollumn - Throwback: "In defense of the Red Pen"

I would like to apologize up front to the majority of you who may not care about this issue. Perhaps this will give you enough information to become aware of the subject.
Dear readers, I’m worried terribly about words that are creeping into the vocabulary of schools of education and our nation’s classrooms - words and phrases like “Error-making is a sign of progression in the language,” “Put down the red pen,” and “Stop error-hunting.”
Namby-pambyism!
These horrible quotes are becoming standards, as a generation of new teachers is being told to put down the trusted red pen in favor of a kinder, gentler green or purple felt tip. You know, so students’ feelings won’t be hurt by the mean, old red pen.
Mollycoddlers!
Led by figures like Connie “Mushroom Head” Weaver, these zealots insist that our red pens are harming the fragile psyches of these young writers, preventing them from ever being able to express themselves creatively through writing.
Lunacy!
I will grant that in some of the initial stages in language development, embracing error-making can be seen as a sign of learning progression.
However, even in those early ages, I’ve found that children who attempt to experiment with larger vocabulary words would still like to be told the correct way to spell them.
I was one of those kids.
I saw the red ink not as something truly bad, but as an opportunity for learning.
Through the wonderful teachers I had who used the red pen, I learned the joys of the Oxford comma, apostrophes in plural possessives, MLA format and the wonder that is the proper plural version of cul-de-sac (its culs-de-sace, and it’s one of the best words in the English language).
The red pen provides guidance and wisdom.
It imparts knowledge whenever red ink and paper meet.
Green can’t cut it, and purple isn’t up to the challenge. You’d run the risk of having students’ papers look like Barney the Dinosaur exploded on them. (Now that would be dangerous to their psyches - these kids grew up on that singing purple nuisance, and they love him).
Green and purple are too passive. They say to me, “You could make these changes, perhaps, if you wanted to, but I respect you enough to let you be creative.”
It’s enough to make you heave.
Red says, “Stop. Take a look at this and reflect.” It’s directive and solid.
If you are an art teacher watching a child try to turn a lump of clay into a beautiful piece of pottery, don’t you help them shape it and guide them in a fairly precise manner?
Why should our written language be treated with less respect than clay?
I don’t know why, but it is.
As for the “It stifles creativity” argument, I think this group is simply underestimating the strength of mind and character some kids have. I think they are a group that is up for the challenge.
In the classrooms I’ve been privy to, I’ve seen a population of students that are crying out for guidance and aid. They want to know how to be better.
That’s a wonderful thing and we need the red pen to help guide them.
However, such sentiments are now in the minority.
My views are seen as old-fashioned and outdated, gone the way of the evening paper and the milkman.
Unless there’s some greater infusion of energy and hope into the Red Pen Resistance, our breed may soon die out.
This is intended to be a warning signal, to show what is becoming standard practice.
Is this honestly what you want? I would pray not.
They’ll never take my red pen, though.
That would force me to utter a phrase like “Not until you pry it from my cold, dead hands” and my Chuck Heston impression is not a good one.
It would, however, be an absolutely true statement.
I won’t give it up without a fight. Care to join me?