The McCollumn - 8/27

Another wedding life lesson - 'Taking a chance on love again'

Overly strong margaritas.

More Rick Springfield songs than I knew existed.

A cake shaped like UAB Hospital, complete with a bride and scrubs-clad groom on top.

All in all, not a bad way to spend a Saturday night.

I drove to Birmingham late Saturday to attend the wedding reception of my friend Kimberly Kornman and her new husband David Farr.

The ceremony, a small, family-only affair had taken place the previous evening, so this reception was really the only means by which to celebrate the couple’s nuptials.

Folks came from all over, wishing to bring blessings and joy to the happy couple.

As I sat there people watching all evening, I couldn’t help but be struck with a certain amount of admiration and respect for my friend Kimberly.

She had been badly burned by love before, spending years with a piece of lowlife scum who barely deserves continued existence, much more a kind person like her.

Foundations of trust and self-respect had been decimated when I first met Kimberly, a byproduct of that poisonous previous relationship.

During the time she worked up at “the store” for Betsy in Victory Engraving, though, I saw this woman rise up and claim the power and strength to go on and move forward that had lain dormant within her all along.

Inside Kimberly’s soul lies a resiliency and moxie one seldom sees.

Where others may have been content to wallow in self-pity or anger, Kimberly astutely realized that best revenge has always been and will always be living well.

She began to celebrate life, taking the time to appreciate life’s small, random and hilarious moments.

Through the support of a loving family and some pretty darn good friends, she righted her course, the course that would eventually lead her back to a figure from her past.

She and David had known each other since childhood and they just seem to fit, like a worn, old shoe.

Watching them cut a rug on the dance floor or playfully bicker about the cake Saturday showed me a couple deeply committed to one another.

The gazes they shared with one another were those of pure love and adoration, gazes one seldom sees outside of Nora Ephron movies.

I celebrate their commitment to one another and I wish them the best for the years to come.

This is certainly a couple I want to keep up with, to know what they are doing.

You need good couples like them in your life when you’re a single guy like me; it gives a framework and example to shoot for in your own life.

But, we can all take a lesson from Kimberly.

Even if you’ve had been left for dead by love, you have to be willing to love again.

It will take time. You will need to pause, reflect and get to a place where you are ready to love again.

But that day will come.

As the great Dame Cleo Laine says in that old jazz standard “Takin’ a Chance on Love”: “Now I prove again that I can make life move again; I’m in the groove again, taking a chance on love.”

Congratulations, Kimberly and David, for taking a chance on love, one that I’m certain will prove to be a most marvelous choice.

The McCollumn - 8/20/10

Strengthening the separation of church and state

While I champion a great many causes, I dare say the one I hold dearest is one of our most fundamental of rights as American citizens: the rigid separation of church and state.

I take that separation to be a two-fold one.

I believe that people should be free to practice whatever religion they choose in a fashion that coincides with their particular beliefs, free of governmental involvement or interference.

It was governmental intrusion into religious practice that drove the Puritan to Plymouth Rock and made the First Amendment the bedrock of the U.S. Constitution that it is.

The other side of that same coin, however, is that I also want the church as far away from my government as possible.

In an area where church attendance and involvement are listed as credentials of office for candidates, I realize my views are in the minority on this one.

However, creating opportunities for candidates to use religion as a means of securing your vote only goes to disservice in the long run.

Any candidate can come and visit a church, gladhand, smile and kiss the babies – it isn’t hard work.

As I’ve said before, you must examine the candidates to find if they truly possess the virtues they claim to espouse.

This examination is a highly personal one – some may pass your tests and not mine and vice versa.

We all judge by different criteria.

We may be able to come together and agree that some things being done during this election season are somewhat less than honorable, though.

Maybe I’m a stickler, but I think anyone who hands out yard signs at church or wears a campaign sticker during church should be thrown out of God’s house the way Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s the same principle.

When I am in church, I am there to be renewed by the presence of God, not have to stare incredulously and wonder if my eyes deceive me.

Sufficed to say, if I see any such behavior from now on, I will gladly raise up whatever pitiful forces I can muster and do my damnedest to make sure that those candidates are not elected.

Truth be told, I’m also not a huge fan of candidates who are not regular members and attenders at a church popping by for a visit on Sunday mornings, waiting for recognition from the pulpit as if they were some visiting head of state worthy of such deference.

If you want to come visit my church, please, by all means, Mr. or Ms. Candidate, come worship.

But, don’t ask to be recognized and don’t you dare troll for votes.

Answer questions when asked, but don’t politic from the pew.

Again, I don’t want to have to go crazy on some folks, but I take the sanctity of my faith and where I choose to worship quite seriously.

I wish these candidates would, too.

If this is a problem you are seeing (and I know I’m not the only one because many of you have talked to me about it), don’t just sit back and let it happen.

Speak up.

Let these people know that we will not have our faith and our beliefs be trampled upon just to help get some folks into office.

It’s time to say “Shibboleth,” candidates.

Get ready to be real or get ready to face the wrath of true people of faith.

Non Sequitur #5: The Green Lantern Discussion

I'm used to my conversations with long-time Friend of Cliff Kay Carter Shepley taking odd turns and veering off into strange non sequiturs or weird quotes. It's one of the main reasons why we work as friends.

In tonight's phone call, somehow the topic of the comic book superhero Green Lantern was breached, which led to a rant by me on how, next to Aquaman, he was the worst Superfriend because his weakness was the color yellow. I vaguely recall yelling into the phone that a yield sign could "take his green ass down."

So, in the spirit of random list making, here is what I believe to be a fairly comprehensive list of yellow things that could take down Green Lantern (minus the aforementioned yield sign).

1. A ripened banana.

2. A school bus.

3. Two week old Winn-Dixie brand butter that has just been sitting out in the fridge (it's an almost radioactive, pulsating yellow).

4. Daffodils.

5. Babies with jaundice.

6. French's Mustard (Any mustard, really. I just prefer French's).

7. A tall, cool glass of Toomer's Lemonade (War Eagle and whatnot).

8. Lemon icebox pie made with love by your grandma (Fact: Almost anything made by Grandma is good).

9. Corn.

10. Fritos.

11. My Adjunct Faculty Handbook from Southern Union (yellow cover ... and, yes, it should worry you that a community college professor is taking the time to compile a list of yellow things that could potentially destroy a fictional comic book hero).

12. Pikachu (for all my Pokemon lovin' readers ... Ben, I think).

13. The sun on the Raisin Bran box.

14. The pots of gold marshmallows in Lucky Charms.

15. Marshmallow Peeps.

16. Banana Laffy Taffy.

17. Smokers' teeth.

18. The plastic bag from a loaf of Sunbeam bread (The Giant Loaf, I think. He is a superhero, after all.)

19. TV's "The Simpsons"

20. A No. 2 pencil (well-sharpened, of course).

And, of course, a true threat to the Green Lantern:

Don't let the dopey grin fool you. Big Bird is a gangsta and will murder and eat your family.

He grew up on the Street, yo, brought to you by the letters F and U.

The subject of the Green Lantern using the restroom also came up as a topic of discussion. Kay suggested, and I concurred, that Hal Jordan must obviously stay well-hydrated to avoid any color issues with his leavings.

That being said, what if he walked into a public restroom and saw some ... remnants? Would we walk in the men's room to find his weird, green-clad ass in a fetal position on the floor of the restroom? I hope not; considering most public restrooms, there's piss all over that floor.

Now, of course, your argument against this entire list could be "But, Cliff, when he takes off the ring, it doesn't affect him." True. But, when he takes off that ring, he's a normal human being. I could just shoot him.

What kind of weakness is yellow? Answer: a bitch-ass one.

Verdict: The Green Lantern is a bitch ass.

In Memoriam: Zona Lashara Johnson

The infamous "Surprise" face. God, I'll miss that face.

When I got the phone call early Saturday morning that told me Zona was no longer with us, I went into a minor state of shock.

This was one of us.

This was a classmate, a fellow class officer (and someone else who’d have to help plan our reunion in 4 years).

This was a friend I expected to see and hear from for years to come – perhaps not the close friend she once was but certainly someone I cared about and loved seeing whenever we happened to run into each other.

Zona, sweet, smiling, full of life Zona, was gone.

There are people who are put on this world by God to bless the lives of those around them.

Wherever they go, they exude some inexplicable inner light that brings out the best in other people.

Zona Lashara Johnson was one such person.

Zona brought joy and laughter to everyone with whom she came into contact.

Just being in Zona’s presence for a few minutes never failed to bring a smile to my face, as she would crack a joke or make a hilarious observation about something (or, more likely, someone) around us.

I know I’m not the only one who felt this way either.

As the news of her death started to trickle out to the rest of the Class of 2004 and Opelika, Facebook statuses and tweets from Opelikians all started to take the same tone.

We were all mourning the loss of one of our greatest sources of joy – where could we find a pure source of happiness now that Zona was gone?

Surprise and shock were also there, as classmates and friends began to message and call each other, asking if the news was really true.

Some of us worried we may never know that kind of joy again. Zona’s death has left a gaping hole in several lives.

I say to those members of my class and those friends who are hurting that it’s fine to grieve.

We have all lost one of the best of us.

We should take time to feel sad, to express the loss we feel inside of us.

However, we must also take heart, remembering the lessons that Zona’s life and example showed us.

While Zona may be gone, the memories and experiences we shared with her are not.

The joy we felt when we were with her can always be relived as long as we remember her and keep her in our hearts and minds.

Death cannot take away Zona’s God-given ability to bring joy.

Even though I still miss her and wish she was still here with us, I can look at old photographs and remember a time when she was among us, speaking truth when we needed to hear it and making us laugh when she knew we were blue.

We all have our individual memories that remind us of who and what Zona was to us.

Death can’t take that away either.

I’ll miss Zona.

Many of us will.

But, we’ll see her again some day, and that joy will eclipse anything we know here and now.

I long for that day.

Rest in peace, old friend.

The McCollumn - 8/6/10

Cable bill vote about more than cable competition

I begin by stating that my views reflect no other opinions than my own. I speak only for me and not any other member of the McCollum family.

I learned a long time ago that my views are generally minority views when compared to the rest of my clan.

I keep seeing signs that say “Vote Yes on Cable Competition!”

I admire the “Yes” side’s ability to condense such an important topic into such a succinct, concise summary.

If taken at face value, cable competition is the only choice on the ballot this Tuesday.

Cable competition is but one item on the agenda for Tuesday’s vote.

Also up for grabs in this vote is a new fiber system being placed throughout the town and the completion and full realization of a smart grid system already in place, waiting to be used to its fullest potentials.

While I am all for cable competition, I have misgivings about voting to allow the city to form its own cable company, and I am highly concerned about allowing the smart grid to be further implemented.

I admire the city’s chutzpah in trying to create their own company, I truly wonder if they will be able to provide the services we all complain Charter lacks.

Customer service has been the main complaint against Charter; why do we think the City’s fledgling company will be any better?

Ask yourself this question: how do you rate the City’s customer service departments right now?

If the end goal of this vote is cable competition, we have that now: Knology is entering with a competitive bid.

While they are reluctant to extend service to rural and less populated areas (like Charter), I have no doubt that our wonderfully persuasive mayor could easily find a way to persuade them to reach out more than their predecessor did.

When Gary Fuller sets his mind to something, he does it. He could do that on our behalf.

Further implementing the smart grid system is my greatest concern, however.

By creating a centralized, singular unit that controls the information and power hubs for our city, we create a system that might prove too high a security risk.

In speaking with techno-savvy friends of mine, I’ve been told that, with regards to smart grid systems, “It isn’t so much if they can be hacked but when will they be hacked.”

Putting that much control and information in the hands of any one entity, especially one backed by a city government, gives me pause.

I think this cable bill has been corrupted.

What began as an earnest attempt to bring cable to the people of this city has turned into governmental overreaching and power grabbing.

The future of our city is at stake in this vote.

Perhaps the smart grid and the centralized, ease-of-use way of life it represents will hearken a new era where life is more efficient.

The technology is too young.

The risk is too great.

I vote “No.”

I hope you’ll join me.