The McCollumn -12/30: "2012's 'The End is Near' Bucket List (with added Betty White goodness)"

Well, the Mayans (or John Cusack ... I’m not certain) have predicted the  end of the world will soon be upon us.

While I generally don’t put much stock in pre-Columbian religious calendars (or any member of the Cusack Clan other than Joan), I still feel duty bound to compose a list of things I’d like to do if the world is indeed coming to an end.

You should take the time to compose your own.

Put it on the fridge with your favorite magnet. Look at it every day and make a special effort to actually do the stuff you put on there.

The world may not be ending, but we should always live as if it were.

After all, we’re never guaranteed another day. Typing up a year’s worth of names from obituaries taught me that this week.

So, in no particular order, my “Before the World Ends Bucket List”

(And feel free to steal any of mine for your own)

θ Meet Betty White.

(You’re a liar or a Communist if you say you don’t want to meet America’s treasure and last surviving Golden Girl.)

θ Give up the hate.

(Rather than spend my time wasting my life hating others, I shall strive to either hit the “reset” button with those I’ve wronged or whom I believe have wronged me or move on to the realm of indifference. I’m tired of “hating” being known as one of my defining characteristics and it ends, as best I can end it, now.)

θ Never let the four digits that make up my weight on the digital scale exceed my year of birth ever again.

(There's a decimal point between the third and fourth digits, for those of you wondering.)

θ Make time to go and walk with my father once a week. It’s good exercise for both of us, and Lord knows I need the wisdom of Homer McCollum in my life.

(Supply your own father, although I’m sure Homer probably wouldn’t mind the company if I’m not there.)

θ Find a way to get the regular attenders of Opelika’s City Council meetings to join me in playing my self-made game “City Council Bingo”

(There are things that happen at almost every council meeting. Not only have I made the cards, I’ve made copies. Bring it on, Pam Powers-Smith.)

θ Speak at Young Writers’ Day at Southview

(An annual event I truly love to speak/make a fool of myself at each year. Kids enjoy physical humor as much as I do.)

θ Say “goodbye” to Henry Stern on the phone before he has a chance to hang up on you.

(Trust me, this is harder than it sounds.)

And, finally, if the world is, in fact, going to end this coming year:

θ On Dec. 21, 2012, I’ll be standing outside holding an old-school Sony boombox over my head playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”

(Just in case John Cusack is actually involved. Bet hedging, really.)