The McCollumn - 7/13: "Am I going to have to call a 'beer summit'?"

Author's note: Several of you have asked to see the Letter to the Editor that was the basis for this column. The link is here: http://opelikaobserver.com/opinions/letters-to-the-editor/649-6-29-mccollumn-had-a-few-errors .
Certainly not the worst piece of hate mail I've received. I dare say it won't be the last one either.




Enough of you have cautiously approached me over the course of this week to ask me a certain question that I feel the need to address it here, with all of you, to prevent any further confusion.

In last week’s issue of the Opelika Observer, Opelikan Haskel Patterson wrote a hard-hitting Letter to the Editor about a column I had written the week before.

Patterson was passionate in his letter, stating his beliefs with certainty and taking time to point out what he believed were my inconsistencies with great aplomb.

He obviously disagreed with a number of points, and stated so, boldly and vigorously.

He wrote from his heart and said exactly what he wanted and needed to say - embodying the Haskel Patterson I’ve known and respected for more than 20 years now.

You see, dear readers, Haskel and I are actually fairly well acquainted.

Haskel and his wonderful wife Lynn make up one-third of a group of close-knit families that includes Tim and Betsy Gore and my own parents, Homer and Liz McCollum.

Haskel taught me Sunday School in 11th grade, the last year I actually attended Sunday School on a regular basis. When he stopped teaching, I stopped going.

I know the man, I respect the man ... and, dare I say it? ... I may even love the irascible coot. 

I certainly think of him as an extended member of my own family, an extra uncle to keep me on my toes - the slightly libertarian one who isn’t afraid to lob political bombs at family gatherings.

What you saw in last week’s letter was, truthfully, a continuation of a political argument Haskel and I have been having since around 2004.

Almost every time we see one another, either he or I will start in on a recent political news event and then we’ll get down to arguing, debating, ruminating and ranting while the other assembled family members either duck for cover or wait for the one-liners sure to stream out.

He forces me to question my beliefs on major issues, and holds me to defend said positions, attacking with the ferocity of a prosecuting attorney.

The letter he wrote was comparatively tamer to what I’d get from Haskel were he yelling at me in the flesh.

What many of you may have interpreted as anger or rage is more likely a frustration similar to banging one’s head against the wall. Haskel’s been saying most of that stuff to me for almost a decade now, and it still hasn’t sunk into my “ivory tower intellectual skull.”

Over the years, I’ve come to appreciate Haskel’s candor and gumption.

Knowing there’s someone out there who’s always going to be willing to speak his mind and say his piece, come what may, has inspired me to be bolder in my own beliefs and actions.

We may not agree on most issues, but we still are able to sit down at the end of the day and share a mutual respect for one another.

Our differences of belief do not and should not ever keep us from being friends.

He may think of me as “a lily-livered, bleeding heart, liberal, eggheaded communist.”

I might sometimes style him “a gun-toting, redneck right-wing nutbar.”

But...

As long as there are Coen Brother flicks...

As long as there are Sopranos episodes...

As long as there are local “idiots” we can both agree to despise...

We should be just fine.

But, just in case - 

Haskel, if we need to have a “beer summit” to work this out, just give me a call.

I’ll gladly bring you a pack of whatever you think is best.

I’ll even tack on a pack of cider for myself.

If it takes sitting at a table all day and hammering out some sort of treatise, so be it, sir.

But, readers as my witness, there will be Peace in our time.